


remember? ; one shot

by goblinana



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: 800 words, Angst, Breakup, F/F, Finished, Lesbian Characters, Lesbians, No Fluff, One Shot, Sad, Short One Shot, just sadness, lesbians tho, literally just angst, no idea what to tag its really short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goblinana/pseuds/goblinana
Summary: yeri and joy dated but at what costs?alternatively; a bad relationship takes away the spark and joy from one yeris life.ORyeri misses joy.please read and feel free to give feedback, this isn't 100% serious or anything, i mostly used yeri and joy for names which is why the characters don't really resemble them but please check it out anyway!
Relationships: Kim Yerim | Yeri & Park Sooyoung | Joy
Kudos: 3





	remember? ; one shot

i miss being and feeling creative more than i miss any type of affection. i forever hate myself for giving up the one thing that made feel different, like i was worth anything just so i could be held. i would give anything to write again, to have words, ideas, worlds and more flow from my fingers but instead im stuck in the dark typing and erasing the same four fucking sentence starters because nothing can get me going anymore.

to be frank, the so called love i had actually received was bitter sweet and short lasting, overall not worth losing the one thing I actually loved. because lord truly knows i can't say i loved her. i think i just loved being loved by her, or needed, i guess... for lack of a better word. she came to me in winter - not the pretty snowflake winter, but the it rains for 4 days straight so you cant walk to buy energy drinks you have to drive sort of winter - she smelt like too much perfume which made sense because she worked at a fucking perfume store, which is pretty much as pretentious as minimum wage jobs can get.she always wore these shitty scuffed out doc knock offs, i hate them so much because she had drawn stupid looking boobs on them. she always said she was drawn to me because i was artistic, i saw the best in people and that i found a way to make everything romantic. that's also what she said she hated about me, i guess she didn't remember. but in all honesty i didn't remember much either.

our first "official" date was on the beach, it was overcast and it kept spitting, she wanted to go home but i said the emptiness of the beach made our date more intimate which was bullshit, i just didn't want to go home. she held my hand, her hands were damp and rough but i liked holding them anyway, or being held by them that is. god it was a pathetic date, i'm surprised she met me again.

we didn't have another official date after that, it was hanging out, like friends but ones that would hold hands, hug, kiss, have sex etc, i guess we never really did have an official title as girlfriends but we were always looked at as girlfriends. i thought it was magical at the time, i really did, you know the whole speech on rose tinted glasses? red flag are just flags? yeah..

ever since i was young i loved writing, it was easy for me, and escape ( as corny as that sounds, its true ) i could create things anything i wanted. i used to write little stories on what imagined my future love life to be like, then again i never expected i was a lesbian. however my stories were beautiful, some wilder than others but somehow, despite having it all planned out, nothing went right. i slowly stopped writing without realizing it, i stopped reading as well. just so i could spend more time with her, with joy.

joy, ah... joy. thats what i thought she was, and for a while i truly think she was but that faded, loving her became a fucking chore, but i still did because i needed her, i needed the validation, the touch, the words, fuck i needed anything i could get at that point. i lost the therapy that was writing, it never crossed my mind at that point,not until my teacher took notice, she asked if i'd like to take part in some competition, she knew i was talented,she knew my potential she only ever wanted the best for me but somehow joy convinced me to flunk it, to not do it. my teacher knew i fucked it on purpose, she wasn't a quack, anyone with half a brain could see it was done poorly on purpose. i didnt think she'd truly care but the look she gave me crushed my fucking soul god damn it, never had i seen such a disappointing stare. i stopped taking literature after that.

i started skipping school with joy, she commented on how i was less optimistic and it was kinda annoying that i was cynical all the time to her, i cried after that. at home obviously. its not like it was on purpose or anything, i wanted to see the good too.

thats a lie, i didn't actually care.

she broke up with me like 6 months after we started dating, she said i was a bore, a chore and toxic to be with, she said that she didnt like that i was all depressed now and that she thinks im stupid because i stopped writing and how it was all i was good at anyway. 

thats why im reflecting on our relationship now, ive been trying to write but i am honestly shit now, i really do suck. i miss writing, i miss being happy and life being easy, i miss being loved, i miss loving, i miss it all, fuck i miss joy.

**Author's Note:**

> its really shit , i started with no idea and ended with no idea either. it is the early ams i wrote this on like 15 minutes so do please pity me lmfao. i hope u weren't miserable reading this :)


End file.
